Confidence

A few weeks ago, I wrote a blog dealing with my conflict over whether to remove my excess skin or love it. I had decided not to pursue any more elective surgery in pursuit of society’s idea of the perfect body. My mistake was to tell my female medical team this. All of the women in my medical team encouraged me to still research the surgery because it could be covered by my insurance if it was found to be medically necessary. My confidence in my decision and how I looked was shaken. I became more self-conscious about my body again and the extra skin. I asked myself whether my extra skin is more noticeable to other people than I realized. Was it really unflattering and unattractive? I stopped questioning my decision and my sound intelligent reasons not to pursue surgery and made an appointment with a surgeon. I have not gone yet. But I wanted to reflect on some concerns about the women in our society.

Why are women so hard on themselves and other women? What makes us compare ourselves to other women? Is it because we’re given Barbie dolls as children as examples we should aspire to be when we grow up, instead of STEM toys? Is it because we are read idealistic fairy tales of damsels in distress, instead of books of Amazons kicking ass?

However, I am no longer a child. I don’t need Barbie and Princesses to be my role models anymore. I have strong, powerful, beautiful women in my life, who I admire and respect. The women in my life are amazing, talented, and supportive. Their beauty is not based just on their physical beauty, but the beauty they radiate from the inside.

This week’s podcast review contained some interesting concepts. For example – We should strive not to be better but to become the person we’re encoded to be. We should not be pursuing achievement, but rather how you find meaning in life. Your goals should not be an ending point but a starting point. The things you pursue have to fit where you are now in your life. The most important thing the podcast concluded on was, “Confidence is knowing that you can rely on yourself to pick yourself back up and keep on going.”

This is the next stop in my evolution – being confident, not in the Barbie and fairy tale mindset. Instead, being confident that I have the power to attain anything I can set my mind to. I am not worthy because I have achieved society’s flawed concept of beauty. But because I have invented my own personal concept of perfection and self-acceptance. The more I learn to develop this idea of confidence, the more I will stop being swayed by the empty promises of being a size 0. I will be listening to the only voice that in the end matters, besides God’s – my own. I’m learning to be an expert in loving myself and stop using myself as a punching bag. Because self-hatred is not attractive to anyone, whether in romantic or casual relationships. People who don’t need anyone else’s validation but their own are more attractive than a people pleaser looking for love.

The next time you admire another person’s body, ask yourself, is it really the body you admire or how that person carried themselves with their so-called more attractive body? I guarantee you, it’s the person’s ability to reflect inner confidence, even if they don’t necessarily feel it. We need to start walking into the room with our own soundtrack of “I’m a badass, so don’t F with me.” My song I am thinking of now is “Confident” by Demi Lovato. What’s yours?

Until next time!