If anyone asks me what commandment I have trouble following, it’s not the one everyone usually thinks. My problem is honoring my mother and father. It’s not that my parents were bad. My mother sacrificed so much to give me and my brothers the life she never had. She also had me – a mouthy kid who had a grown woman’s body at the age of 11 and about the sense of someone half that age. I didn’t make things easy on my mom. I still don’t.
The main issue that caused (and still causes issues) is that I expect my mother to remember everything. If she asks me more than three times about a subject we’ve previously discussed, I view it as her not listening or she’s nagging. However, I realize now I was interpreting it that she does not care enough about me to pay attention to me when I say something or believe I will handle something, no matter how much I am dragging my feet or complaining about it. I viewed it as a personal attack on me, intead of what it actually was – she was busy and had so many balls up in the air, she wanted to make sure nothing fell through the cracks. When it happens now, it is because she is older, and so am I. My memory is so bad, if it’s not written down, I will most likely forget. My mother, God bless her, writes nothing down. Of course, she’s going to forget something!
Instead of letting my temper and annoyance be the first reaction to the repetitive question, I need to stop, take a deep breath, and say the same answer I may have said a thousand times, without giving her my usual mouthy attitude and borderline disrespect. I am entering the season of life where people start losing their parents. I don’t want my last words to be with anger and annoyance, but with love. I don’t want what happened to my father and me to happen to my mother and me. Around 13 years old, I told my mother I was ashamed of my father and didn’t want to have a relationship with him. When I was graduating from high school, I decided I would try to heal the relationship between us and I sent him a letter with my senior portrait picture. He never received the letter because he died a week after I sent it. I never got to say goodbye.
So, amongst all the adulting things I have to do, the most important adulting behavior I need to do is honor my remaining parent while she is still here. The best way I can do that is to use the patience and self-discipline I have been learning about in my family relationships, especially with my mom. Tomorrow is not promised. Life has already taught me that more than once. It’s time I work on honoring my mother. Thank you, Mom, for my life. I’m sorry if it ever seems like I am ungrateful. Learning to be better.
Until next time!
R.R. Peace, Author and Poet 