This week, the IMO podcast interviewed comedian, David Chappelle, who said a quote that shook me to my core. He said, “In COVID, we were trapped in our choices.” He didn’t really elaborate on the statement (or I might have been too stunned to have heard the rest of it, LOL). I never felt so seen in that statement.
On March 16, 2020, I went in on a Monday to report for work and was sent home with my laptop to finish my workday. I did not see my office desk again until March 24, 2025. Good thing I hadn’t left any food for the mice and other undesirables in our office to feast on! In 2020, I was obese and recently diagnosed with tachycardia. I was still not willing to do the emotional work in therapy and was paying my therapist basically to be my sounding board of woe (cue violins). Being trapped in my house with only my mom and cat, Sparrow, to keep me company was not good for my mental health. The only way I could avoid dealing with my loneliness and severe anxiety was to eat. Two years later, I was diagnosed with diabetes.
I knew diabetes was a death sentence for me if I didn’t do something to change my behavior. I didn’t do it drastically. At first, I used the GL-1 drugs like I always had, a quick fix. I still lost weight, but I was angry that it was taking so long. What I didn’t realize was that during 2020-2024, God was working on my mind and heart. I started going to the gym and working with a personal trainer. I stopped farting around and published the novel I had been re-writing to death since 1995. By 2024, the pride and validation that I wanted from everyone else, I slowly began to give to myself. I stopped making harmful choices with food and stopped using food as love. In 2025, when I published by book of poems I wrote in college, I was actually ready to go back in the office again. I was ready to engage with the world (Although, I’m not gonna lie, I miss going to work in my PJs and not having an 1hr long round trip commute!).
With COVID, God had trapped me in my choices. I had to take a long, hard look at myself and the story I had written for myself at that point. Ultimately, I was able to regain agency over my story again. I went from feeling like I was an extra in the movie of my life to the main character. Granted, there are some days I feel like a supporting character in my life. There are days when I physically and mentally don’t want to do the work. I am learning to grant myself grace to be human and let go of all-or-nothing concepts. The new thing this week I am teaching myself is that it is better to do something, no matter how small it may seem. Because small steps turn into big gains – even if it takes a few years for you or everyone else to notice them.
I am claiming the COVID era as the era that began my rebirth. Because if it wasn’t for COVID, I probably would have died without ever doing the hard, painful work. However, a side note to God – I am good now. If someone needs a pandemic to wake them up like you did me, can you leave the rest of us out of it? Like the meme I saw on Facebook said – Gas prices are too high for me to worry about running out of toilet paper again!
Until next time!
R.R. Peace, Author and Poet 