Hey Ya’ll! Welcome to new and old readers! Just in case you’re new, in the past few years, I have been working on myself physically and mentally. This blog has become where I write about more personal insights that don’t come up in my novels or poetry. For those who are waiting for new creative material, I am finished with the first draft of my next novel and am in the process of massive editing and rewrites. I also posted a new poem that I read recently “La Loba” in my video gallery. So I am working on a novel and a new poetry book but the novel will definitely be available sooner than the poetry book!
One thing I have been doing in my mid-life adulting process is trying to make amends to people I thought I had wronged. I wanted to let go of all the bitterness and regret that I was carrying in my life. It has been cleansing and eye-opening that everyone I’ve contacted remembers things differently from how I did. This all goes back to the issue I have with the stories I tell myself. However, I still harbored ill feelings towards people who had wronged me. I’m working on forgiveness. However, some of the people who had wronged me were people I had paid to do a service for me. Two of them I still have regular contact with, even though I no longer need their services.
In one case, the person insulted me while doing the service, and in the other, the person treated me like I was an unwanted student they got saddled with teaching. I did the smart and wise thing; I terminated both services with those people. However, looking back on it, I realized I not only should have terminated the relationship, but also told them why I was leaving. Not to feel validated or that they required a reason, but for their own self-growth. The two people are still in the customer service industry. They should know how to treat their clients better if they intend to stay in the industry. In addition, no one should feel the embarrassment and shame I felt, especially if we’re paying them for a service!
I was about to contact both people, but then I stopped and asked myself some more probing questions. The services I received from these people happened over two years ago. I do not intend to use them or any service like theirs in the near future. What benefit would it be to them to know the reason if they never cared to ask all this time? I didn’t owe them an explanation when I terminated the service, and I didn’t owe them one after all this time. The window for being courteous and informing them of their bad behavior had passed. They either don’t remember what they did or said, or they’ve rewritten the history in their own heads. It is time I let go of my bitterness for the two of them and pray that when I am verbally saying “I forgive them” over and over in my head, God will eventually let me feel that in my heart. It’s no longer worth my time and effort to keep feeding myself poison, hoping that they will be harmed. Hate – your services are no longer needed.
Until next time!
R.R. Peace, Author and Poet 