As this is the graduation season, everyone is dispensing wisdom to high school and college graduates. I decided to join the throng of unasked-for advice. I don’t remember who spoke at any of my graduations. They could have mentioned some of the things I have listed. However, I’ll be honest, at all of my graduations I was interested in the speakers keeping their speeches short because it was hot, the commencement was running too long, and I wanted to go to an after-party afterwards. Some people might say I’m a little late with my advice. However, while the new graduates are surfing the internet for jobs and vacation rentals, I’m hoping they stop by this post for some life lessons that you usually find out after having the experience – sometimes more than once! So in no particular order, here are some things about life no one tells you:
- When it comes to handling things you have no control over – pray, hope, and don’t worry. For things you can control – still pray, but make sure you take action to change the situation. You can’t keep doing the same things and expect a different answer.
- Don’t believe your own press, whether you’re telling yourself a good or bad story. Sometimes the stories you’re telling yourself are not based in fact but on supposition.
- Stay curious. Knowledge is gained by asking questions, not in predictions.
- Once you make a decision on something and act on it, let it go. Ruminating over it is not helpful or productive.
- Learn to enjoy your own company and learn to validate yourself. Besides God, the only person whose opinion always matters is your own, and you are with yourself until death.
- You don’t need to justify your actions. Whether it’s yes or no, no one really cares about the reason, and giving them a reason will not make them feel better, especially if it’s the opposite response they wanted.
- People are not psychic or empathic. They don’t know what you’re thinking or feeling unless you clearly tell them. You might sense a vibe off people, but ultimately, you are in control of your own feelings. You can choose not to absorb people’s negative energy and remove yourself from the situation.
- Your past or physical/mental condition should not define you. They are what you have and what shaped your decisions. Don’t limit your persona to a label.
- Take your PTO. Your job will replace you as soon as they receive notice of your death. At the end, you’re not going to say that you wished you worked more, but you should have spent more time with family members and friends.
- Forgive people and move on with your life. Revenge is you drinking the poison and expecting the other person to die. Let Karma (or God’s Justice) sort things out and continue to live your life without them in it.
- Don’t take things personally. Develop your own mental armor. People’s behavior is not about you. You are not that important.
- Lose well. When you make a mistake learn the lesson and move on.
- Don’t waste time chasing people who are not interested in you or your business. Move to the next adventure.
- Hard things are usually harder in your mind.
- Worthiness and sacredness should not be tied to performance.
These are the things I wish someone had the balls to tell me in my teens and 20s. Hopefully, new grads (and not so new grads), will find this list helpful and take them to heart before they become painful lessons.
Until next time!
R.R. Peace, Author and Poet 