A podcaster said last week, “Your job is to ask yourself what do you want for yourself – are you willing to continue to stop and ask what will people think?” I felt that quote enough to write it down. I didn’t realize that it was going to be my theme for this week, until my therapist made a similar statement in our session yesterday.
I have spent my life never really asking what I wanted from my life. I have always been known for trying new things. I like to keep life interesting and challenge myself. However, when it came to making decisions about life and relationship choices, I have always consulted a committee of my family and friends. I doubted my ability to make good and healthy decisions when it came to my life and relationships. Even though my family and friends gave me good advice, sometimes it was too many different opinions or worse I didn’t want to do anything they had recommended. In those cases I ended up either doing nothing or making choices to people please, rather than asking myself what I really wanted to do. I’m not blaming the committee for any of my life choices. My life is the way it is because of the decisions I made. Instead of looking inside myself, I looked outside myself. Allowing myself to depend on others’ validation for my life choices, instead of listening to the sounds of my own aching heart.
Now that I am doing the work, I only go to the committee if I need a sounding board, help brainstorming, or recommendations on who to contact for a decision I am considering. I have learned to ask myself more about what I want to do and what works for me, with little input from the committee. What do I want from life now? A joyful life where I love everyone regardless of who they are. To be an inspiration for people who are still struggling in the place I used to be, and to seek mentors who are further down the road I am heading to encourage me to keep going and growing. My goals are no longer limited to marriage, kids, and fame but whatever God wills for my life. And I discover that by making a plan, start the process to accomplish it, and see which doors opens and which doors closes. The most important thing I continue to ask myself is that will I still be the person that I am striving to be if I take this action? I am enjoying the idea that “I made a decision for myself. How beautiful is that?”
Until next time!
R.R. Peace, Author and Poet 