Bad Habits

“The process of building habits is actually the process of becoming yourself” – James Clear

I’m in the process of reading the “Atomic Habits Workbook” by James Clear. My level one tai chi class is reading it for this section of our training. I have three bad habits that I know I need to change. However, I never thought about why I started to have those habits. Clear says that for a habit to form, there has to be a reward you gained from the first experience that programs your brain to keep doing the behavior to receive the same result. My reasons I kept doing these “bad habits” was very humbling and slightly depressing. Some reasons I have these unmentionable bad habits is because I wanted: attention, to fit in, to feel important/relevant, and/or to feel seen/heard. They were disordered attempts for love. However, after over a year of adulting, I realize I no long need or want that kind of love or approval. There are better ways to get my emotional needs met than to cling to these bad habits. There are better ways to get people to respect you, love you, and treat you like matter, other than engaging in behavior that is offensive and/or annoying the people you orginally intended to impress.

Unbeknownst to me, for four years, I have been forming new habits regarding diet and exercise, as well as a positive mindset. My healthier lifestyle and kinder outlook started with baby steps. When it came to exercise, I got a personal trainer to force my butt into the gym. First, I went for half an hour two times a week, then increased it to three times a week, and then to an hour. By the time the third year was out, I was consistently working out on my own 5-6 times a week with a good variety of exercises/classes. Overlapping this, I also started changing what types of food I ate. I was stubborn as heck when it came to changing my diet. However, once I realized I wasn’t going to get the weight loss results without sacrficing my food addictions, I decided to go slow in that field as well. First, I changed regular coffee to decaf, then fast food, then no junk food, and then finally no soda. I haven’t bought anything for myself from McDonalds in almost two years. I am in the process of breaking my new addictions to KFC and cheddar and sour cream pototo chips. However, I now have a system to cut out addictive food, so I think it will be easier than when I originally started the my healthier lifestyle.

As for positive thinking, it’s still a work in progress. I trained my social media to only show me positive, inspiring, and funny posts, and that is the only type of stuff I tend to share on my social media pages. When a negative/critical thought pops into my head, I pause and challenge the thought now. I also give myself grace for when I fail. I also have been learning to stand up for myself, especially in those situations that cause me to think negatively about myself or other people. I change my environment now, instead of wallowing in anger and resentment. I live by the motto that you can’t change what happened to you, but you can change your behavior and reaction to it. Right now, I am all about protecting my peace. I don’t have the luxury of a negative thought anymore. They cost too much and give very little. It’s not productive and it rarely solves anything,

I’m not telling you all this for praise. Sparrow’s Playground is really just my reflections on my present, past, and future, and how I (and maybe everyone else) need to challenge beliefs I once had and work through and figure out what I believe now. Sparrow’s Playground has become another accountability tool for me. So when I get discouraged in the future, I can look back and see how far I’ve come. If you saw my handwriting, you would understand why I need a typed version of my self-discussions, LOL!

FYI, I finally got myself together, so please feel free to join my monthly newsletter via the link on my main website page. It will occasionally feature freebies from other authors and me; any upcoming events you can find me at; and a regular feature called “Check It Out,” where I will talk about something I read or heard. I might also send out a poem I am workshoping for a future poetry book. I won’t spam you. I simply don’t have that kind of time. I also won’t sell your email (unlike the jerks who sold my mother’s mailing address to every single charity available in the 50 states – poor Mommy!).

Until next time!